Update on swimming ....

Ok, here is me trying to stay positive.... Beach Series swim last Tuesday night at Takapuna Beach. Lovely night, but sea a bit choppy (not ideal for me). My nephew Troy came as my swim buddy to stay with me to help keep me calm (that was the idea at least).

The start was delayed about 10 minutes, so we just paddled in the sea, as it was hot standing on the beach in our wetsuits. The water is also lovely and warm - almost like a bath.

The starter went off, and I am still calm(ish), hanging back to let most of the people go first, then wading into the water and starting swimming. I could then feel the anxiety start to rise within me - NO! Just stay calm, Troy is beside me, it is only 1km.

As the choppy nature takes me up and down, I start to think about that, and start to freak out - hyperventilate. After several stop/starts, I just can't breathe anymore due to hyperventilating and can it. Another trip in an IRB. Bugger.

So, it seems I can swim relatively calmly when the sea is nice and calm - but anything more, I freak out. It is all being controlled by my mind. I can tell you, that this is soooo frustrating - it is not an injury, or that I can't swim - my mind is controlling me.

A close friend suggested I try Hypnotherapy to help me relax and stay calm in the sea. She has used it several times mainly for business use, and has found it very helpful. OK - I'll give it a go as it may help me overcome this fear I have.

Yesterday, I had my first session with Dave Gilbert. There are no startling revelations yet as I haven't been able to hit the pool, or sea to practice. I have failed to tell you that Wednesday I woke up with a VERY sore throat which gave me a deep (sexy) voice. With my 3 hour run scheduled for Wednesday, I was determined to get it in, no matter what, in case the throat developed into something more sinister.

Wednesday night (waited until it cooled down) while running, my chest was incredibly sore - the only time I had experienced this type of pain was many years ago when I had bronchitis. So I keep telling myself, just finish this run (key session of the week) then you can get sick.

This is what happened. After getting home quite late from the run (11pm) I was definitely coming down with bugs. So off to bed. The next morning my chest hurt and if I coughed, it felt like it would split open. Luckily I could get into see the Doctor - can't afford to sit and wait - and she thinks it is viral, but have antibiotics anyway. She also feels that I have some Pleurisy which is causing me the awful chest pain. If I have no great improvement by Monday, I have to go back - fingers crossed I am well on the road to recovery by then!!!

Overnight, it has now progressed to head and nose - GREAT! So feeling lousy to say the least. Swimming is not on the agenda today - I somehow think that there is not going to be a great deal on the agenda today.

So more speed bumps along this Ironman journey, but as you can see, I don't give up easily. I think I need a coffee ...

I have gone through many emotions since the Tauranga Half Ironman - ranging from giving up immediately through to yes, I can do Ironman.

The easy option would be to give up and I would be very disappointed with myself if I did that - if not now, later on. It's not in my blood to give up - so why start now.

So, after meeting with my coach to discuss what went wrong, and where to from now, I am back in a positive frame of mind. I have to learn to relax in the sea/lake and not let my emotions take over - easier said than done! So, more sea swimming on the agenda for me - damn!

Last Thursday was my first sea swim since Tauranga, which was with our group at 6.30pm at Takapuna Beach. During the afternoon, my anxiety returned and I began to fear it. By 5.30pm I started to feel sick, but got myself down there.

My swim coach, Liz was there, and I told her how I was feeling. She didn't say anything and we got into the water, letting the boys head off first, and disappear in the distance. We got to white buoy, then the next yellow buoy. Let's go to the next yellow buoy, Liz said - so off we went - all going well - phew! Once we got there, Liz said let's go a few strokes further (the furtherest out I have been along the buoys). Well, head down and off again, and I managed to be the most relaxed I have been to date, and when I stopped, Liz grinned - we were nearly at the next yellow buoy - so off we headed to it ... Yay - 4th buoy at Takapuna - wow!

We waited for the boys to return, as they had gone a little further out, and Tony my coach was very pleased and surprised to see me there. Looking back at the boat ramp, I realised how far we had gone, but it didn't seem like it.

Back we headed, and all in all, it was pretty good - a good confidence booster which I needed. The total distance was 2km.

Luckily the water was relatively flat and Tony thought that we had managed to get it on the turn of the tide, with a slight tail assistance in both directions! Now, that was great luck, wasn't it??!!

So, feeling a lot better about the sea again, I was feeling ok about the next swim on Saturday at Takapuna with the group. Well, that was until Saturday morning, when I got into the water. It was very choppy and there were waves breaking - oh great - there is a problem.

Now, by now you know that I have a fear of the sea. One of the big things is the moving water - waves and chop are a nightmare for me. Let's just say that Saturday's swim was awful and ended up with me giving up and heading out early. Doing beach starts through the crashing waves was very scary for me, and I just lost it. No amount of coaxing from Liz, or Tony helped - I was petrified. It seems I go 1 step forward and 2 back. Needless to say the confidence level plummeted again.

However, not giving in totally - I continued on with the rest of the session - bike + run/drills. The heat was starting to really build by the time we headed out for a run - this Summer is sure a hot one.

Tonight I have to enter the Beach Series swim at Takapuna Beach, which is a 1km swim. Yesterday it was choppy there due to NE winds but it looking good for calmer waters tonight (fingers crossed!). I have my nephew Troy who is going to buddy me to help me keep calm, and feel reassured during the swim. Troy's friend Ross Anderson competes in these, and usually does it in around 10-12 minutes - how, I don't know - maybe because he was an ex Olympic + Commonwealth swimmer for NZ! It is sure going to take me a LOT longer ....

I will keep you updated ....

The Day That Was(n't)

The Tauranga Half Ironman was yesterday and to make a long story short, I didn't finish it. To say that I am gutted is an understatement.

We arrived at the Mount on Thursday afternoon, which was very hot - lovely, but hoped that it was going to be cooler on Saturday. After unpacking the car, my sister Penny, her husband Roger and my nephew Troy and his wife Monique went for a walk down to Pilot Bay to see what it was like. It was very windy, and it was making Pilot Bay very choppy - so we decided that we would not be doing a sea swim until Friday morning, hoping it would calm down overnight.

Friday morning 7am, we walked over to Pilot Bay (staying at Anchorage, so just right there) with Monique and I going for a short swim so I could get used to some landmarks. Well, that was the plan. When we were standing on the edge, we wondered why some other triathletes were just standing around in the shallow water, talking and not doing anything. We soon found out.

After walking in, another couple walked over to us and the Scottish "what are all these jelly things?" - so we inspected closer ... and put our hands in. YUCK! The water was full of acorn size jelly things which we have since found out are a form of jellyfish - that don't sting fortunately. The Scottish guy described the water as being like "porridge" which was a perfect description of how it felt - I just can't describe it, as I have never encountered anything like it before.

So after trying to get our heads around this, we wandered a bit further along the water and Monique came across a huge jellyfish - she shrieked and turned and ran the other way! Me of course, following close behind. We started laughing, as Monique is supposed to be the brave sea swimmer, surf lifeguard and all - and here she is being as unbrave as you can be - just when I need the opposite!!

In the end, Monique said that she would do a maximum of 10 strokes out then turn around and get out - so we were doing our 10 strokes out and I was about to do a couple more, when she yelled out, that's 10 let's get out. So not the sort of plan I had in mind - but then again, I didn't plan on the water being invaded with jellyfish!

Later on, at registration, a friend of mine said he went with a swim with a friend the day before, and they were just standing about waist deep in the water at Pilot Bay, when his friend screamed - he had an octopus wrapped round his foot/leg!! Fantastic, I thought! Can it get any worse? All I can say is, that the talk of registration was about all the "creatures" in the water, and a lot of people getting freaked out. I wasn't freaked out by them, although not really overjoyed with them being there - I was definitely NOT going to swallow any water!

I was remarkably calm on Thursday and Friday which I was pleased about as I get very nervous prior to events. That was about to change.

Friday when I went to bed, I started to get a knot in my stomach - a very big knot. Relax, slow deep breaths. Luckily, I did sleep OK Friday night and woke up just before my alarm went off at 4.30am. Breakfast time. All ok - a little apprehensive, but under control. I noted that it was cloudy (great), a little cooler than days before (great) but fairly windy (not so great).

5.30am we walked down to transition with all the gear and I got set up. All going ok. Then went off to get body marked - there was a queue, so joined it. It was about then, that my composure started to crack big time. I started to feel nauseous and tears welled up. All sorts of emotions swamped me. Can I do the swim? Why am I here? Many thoughts of Mike - this was his domain.

Well, got bodymarked, then back to bike to get wetsuit on, and start heading to start. Relax. Relax. Relax. Yeah, right. Wetsuit on - getting better all the time at getting it on. Then joined the queue to go through the Blue Seventy arch, and get on the beach and into the water.

A final hug from Emily and Jenny and off into the water.

Ok - relax. Goggles on, and just get into the water and start heading over to the end of the wharf to the womens start area. Phew - the number of jellyfish was considerably less! This is a lot better. Oh boy. At this stage, I thought my nervousness was under control.

The start was very strange - there was no starters gun and the women around me said - they've started - so off we went. Major panics now ... just relax. My heart rate just seemed to climb through the roof. For some reason, my HR monitor wasn't working (probably just as well) so I don't know what it was. I stopped swimming to relax, and get things under control before getting going again - but things were starting to get bad. I started to get very weasy and couldn't breathe. When I get very uptight, and exercise, I can get asthma - and it was happening this morning. It doesn't happen very often at all - but it did happen a couple of swims ago when I was with my swim coach at Takapuna.

With all this going on, I noticed the field disappearing in front of me ... I told a lifesaver on a board near me what my problem was, so he stayed with me, just in case. I stop/started many times with the hope that it would settle down - but no. Nearly at the second yellow buoy I called it quits, as I couldn't breath, and I was running out of energy with the lack of oxygen going into my lungs.

Sorry Mike. Sorry Tony + Liz. Sorry to all my family and friends who have given me so much support - I just can't do this today. A big thank you to the lifeguards assisting at the Tauranga Half Ironman. Thank you to the Port of Tauranga for your wonderful support and hospitality - Mark and Graeme - I will be back.

Plan B then kicked in - get showered/dressed, and get out and support my nephew Troy, and everyone else I know that was competing. Troy - fantastic effort. Well done to everyone who competed.

So - now for some soul searching. The battle continues... ... ...

A New Year - 2008

Another year over and another just beginning. I passed at the New Year's Eve parties and had a quiet one at home although I was still awake when the Sky Tower fireworks started, so got up and watched them from my deck.

It is only a few days to go until the Port of Tauranga Half Ironman - Saturday, 5th January. The body has got very tired from the training, so this week is very easy to try and get some energy back into the body, ready to take on my first ever triathlon.

I have had a few more sea swims and finally got Takapuna looking like a millpond a couple of days ago - yahoo! I have had chop and swells, so a millpond was very gratefully received. It was also my best ever sea swim yet - less stops and no panic attacks! I am starting to believe that I will survive the Tauranga swim, and if I keep the sea swimming up, it will become okish in time - did I say that? It will be slow at Tauranga, but I just want to finish it.

The other day when I was out with Liz, I was thinking "gee, it's me out here - I did it". Never in a million years did I think I would ever be out there in the deep, murky water bobbing around.

So, with some very patient friends, and a belief in yourself that "you can do it", it shows that you can overcome your worst fears in life. It certainly is a very satisfying moment. The mind is a very powerful thing.

I have started to get things in piles, and sort out what I am taking ... the weather forecast is for fine, sunny weather - which means hot and burning weather for my fair skin - the sunblock is already packed.

So - tomorrow I will pack it all in the car and head down with some of the family to Mount Maunganui. I do hope that the sea is flat and calm .... fingers crossed.

I have no idea of how I'll go - remember it's my first ever triathlon, so it is going to be a learning curve and a day of just surviving. But of course - I plan to enjoy it (maybe not every minute of it) and will try to remember to smile when coming down the finish shute!